Have you ever seen this show "Toddlers and Tiaras"? It's crazy. The kid's name is Sparkal Queenz. Seriously. When she grows up and becomes a stripper she won't even have to change her name.

I'm thinking about pitching a similar show called . . . OK, I can't come up with a good one for competitive softball. But if you took Toddlers and Tiaras and made it teenage girls at softball tournaments, you'd get the idea. This is what my family does every summer.

Do you know how much a damn softball bat costs? Like, $250! Do you know how many of them my husband has bought for my daughter? Me either. Scary!

I think that my daughter really likes to play softball, and she's pretty good. But seriously, three weekends a month from May through July. Almost every weekend requires a hotel stay, so, plan on spending $150 on hotel, $100 on food, $100 on gas. Guess how many family vacations we have taken in the past five years? None.

And what I find strange is that the driving force of these girls' softball teams is overwhelmingly the dads. Yeah, the moms are there and cheering, but it's the dads that are coaching and getting upset over losses. Us moms are thinking, "Okay, now we'll get home at 10 tonight, I have to wash that uniform, and get back up at 6 to get back here to the field by 8 tomorrow morning." I don't think any of the moms could honestly say that they really, really, care about going to softball tournaments. Or maybe I'm the only one that's thinking that and all the other moms are REALLY into the game. Right.

"Bitches and Bats." That's it.